Into the Blue

by CaitE Baloney

Published May 10, 2008

In Poetry

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I haven't had much experience with poetry but I am starting to enjoy it.
Any critique would be great.
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The wind is harsh
on the high point.
It burns her face, ears, hands.

The view is lovely
yet she looks down
at surf below.

Her heart is racing.
She takes a step back.
then flies meeting blue.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
yoha_ahoy
Review
yoha_ahoy wrote a review Review · May 11, 2008

This is a beautiful first attempt at poetry! But as Adna said, it could be so much better if you expanded on this. You've got a good concept here, but the imagery could be so beautiful if you brought it all out. I suggest you read some more poetry and try using more imagery to make this more vivid. Nice start though! ;)

~Yoyo 8)

User avatar
Adnamarine
Review
Adnamarine wrote a review Review · May 10, 2008

My first impression was that I think it could be improved if you made it longer. I think you could better develope the ideas you have here that way. It just feels like there's more to be said. Otherwise, it's alright, it has very good rhythm, and I really like the last stanza. What I would suggest is adding a bit more description, both of her surrounds, and of her, what she's doing. I like the way you talked about her looking down, stepping back, flying... I'd add some more things like that, more of what she's doing.

So, all in all, good job, and if you make any changes, let me know:) I'd love to look at them.


*adna*



A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.
— Jean Cocteau